People ask for and give consent every single day. Not just in the bedroom, but in everyday life too. Can I have this chair? Could I borrow your pen? I haven’t seen you in ages, can I give you a hug? No matter where you are, or what you’re doing, consent is important. And when it comes to sex, consent is critical.
As someone who works with young people, consent is a topic that is very likely to come up in conversations. Understanding what consent is and being able to help young people set boundaries and navigate conversations around consent with confidence, is important. We have put together six strategies to help you guide those conversations.
In New South Wales (NSW), the legal age of consent for sexual activity is 16. However, many young people may begin to explore relationships and behaviours at an earlier age as a natural part of their healthy sexual development. While the age of consent for sexual activity in NSW is 16, it also important to know that the age of consent in Australia differs across each state.
Consent, as defined by the NSW Department of Communities and Justice, is a continuous and voluntary agreement between people involved in any form of sexual activity – not just vaginal, oral and anal sex but also other sexual activities like:
As Youth Law Australia says, consent requires ongoing and mutual communication and is freely and voluntarily given.
If one of the young people you’re chatting with has questions about what consent is, give them real life examples of how we use consent every single day. For example, they might ask if they can borrow a friend or sibling’s personal belongings like a bike or clothes – that’s asking for consent.
Another example might be taking someone’s photo or petting someone’s dog. Asking before doing it is important and always needed.
What’s also important is how someone responds. Is their ‘yes’ enthusiastic? Or, are they hesitant and unsure? Remind young people you’re working with that enthusiastic ‘yeses’ are what’s needed for consent.
Then, steer the conversation back to sexual activity, and explain that consent works in exactly the same way. Do they want to kiss someone? Ask! Do they want to try something new in bed? Ask!
If they’re still wondering, ‘what is informed consent?’, share this ‘Consent is like a cup of tea’ video. It’s an oldie but a goodie; and really helps simplify the concept of consent.
Finally, it’s also important to talk about when consent can’t be given – for example, if someone is underage, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, because they are under coercion (more on that below), or because they’re feeling scared or unsafe. Affirmative consent is also law in NSW. Laws make it clear that if a person wants to engage in sexual activity with someone, then they need to do or say something to show consent, and a person needs to do or say something to seek consent.
Under the new affirmative consent laws:
When chatting with young people about consent, introduce them to the concept of boundaries and how they can develop their own, and respect others’. One way of explaining this is:
Boundaries are like the invisible lines that define the limits of what we’re comfortable with and what we’re not.
When we respect others’ boundaries, it means understanding and accepting when someone says ‘no’ or expresses discomfort. It’s also important to express your own boundaries and communicate what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
Boundaries aren’t fixed; they can change over time and vary from person to person. That’s why open communication is key. But it’s worth the effort – because, by understanding and respecting boundaries – we create a space where everyone feels safe, heard, and respected.
By providing clear examples to young people, you can help equip them to handle any real-life situations that might arise. Below are a few examples you could use to guide conversations.
Reinforce the need to check in regularly and make sure that the other person is still comfortable, especially if they start to look unsure, are not responding or look a little distant. However, while body language can offer cues about comfort, verbal communication is essential, and it’s always necessary to directly ask for consent.
Before sexual activity
During sexual activity
Revoking consent
Consent can be revoked at any time with no reason given. Some things young people could say are:
It is also important to help young people spot coercion and peer pressure and offer advice on how they can handle the situation.
Being pressured might look like:
A firm no or action that shows discomfort is all that is needed, and if someone continues to pressure them to do something they don’t want to, this is coercion. Support and guidance is available for anyone who has or is experiencing coercion or assault (see our referral pathways below). It is also important to keep in mind your Mandatory Reporting responsibility for disclosures that may arise from discussions around consent.
We have a detailed Consent & the Law Fact Sheet that supports this article.
Other tools that can help guide discussions are our Scenarios and Alphabet Soup tools which offer an interactive, informal way to guide conversations around consent, STIs, and sexual health in general.
Consent is a complex yet highly important subject for young people, and we hope that this article has helped prepare you for these conversations. Remember – it’s always important to recognise the limitations of your role, and immediately direct young people to other sources if they have concerns, questions, or are in immediate danger.
