First-time sex can bring a mix of excitement, nerves, curiosity, and questions. And it is often influenced by emotions, expectations, and social pressures. This is where professionals like you can make a real difference.
By providing young people with accurate, empathetic, and non-judgemental information, you can help them feel empowered and supported as they navigate how to have sex for the first time.
It’s essential to recognise that first-time sexual experiences are diverse and deeply personal. For some young people, first-time sex may be vaginal intercourse, anal, or oral sex. For others, it could mean choosing not to engage in any sexual activity at all, and needing advice on how to say no.
There’s no universal script, and everyone moves at their own pace, guided by their own values, comfort levels, and readiness. Creating a safe, inclusive, and non-judgemental environment is crucial to encourage safe and healthy conversations. Young people need to feel supported to ask questions, express their concerns, and explore their feelings.
The first step in helping young people decide if they’re ready for first-time sex is guiding them to set boundaries.
Start by guiding young people to think about what they’re comfortable with and what they’re not. Boundaries might include:
It’s not unusual for young people to feel influenced by peer pressure, what they ‘think’ everyone else is doing, peer opinions, or a partner’s expectations. As a professional, you can explore strategies for dealing with pressure and help them figure out how they can respond. Role-playing conversations or scenarios can help build their confidence.
The power of saying ‘no’ confidently cannot be overstated. Provide young people with phrases they can use, such as, “I’m not ready for this right now,” or “This doesn’t feel right for me.” Assure them that they don’t owe anyone an explanation, and their boundaries should always be respected.
Check out our article on consent for great activities and examples.
There’s no universal timeline for when someone should be ready to have sex. Help young people see that readiness is personal, shaped by emotional maturity, trust, and values. It’s okay to wait, or to choose not to have sex at all.
Consent is at the heart of every healthy relationship. But understanding consent means going beyond a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Help the young people you’re working with understand that if it’s not a clear and enthusiastic ‘yes,’ it’s a ‘no.’ Again, our consent article will help provide more details.
Consent, as defined by the NSW Department of Communities and Justice, is a continuous and voluntary agreement between people (aged 16 and above) involved in any form of sexual activity – not just vaginal, oral and anal sex but also other sexual activities like:
Also encourage them to have clear, open communication with their partner, it’s the key to making first-time sex a positive experience. Young people should feel comfortable talking about their expectations, feelings, and boundaries. You can guide them in developing these communication skills by offering scripts or practical advice.
If young people feel ready for first-time sex, it’s important to talk about condoms, contraception, and regular STI testing.
Condoms are one of the most effective tools for protecting against sexually transmissible infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancies. When chatting to young people, you can help them understand the importance of using condoms consistently and correctly. Condoms can be used for oral sex dams too.
You can share this guide from Play Safe on how to use condoms correctly or maybe even try this Play Safe Pro Condom Demonstration Game.
And remember, you can get 144 free condoms every single month for your service. Having these on hand will mean you’re able to provide young people with condoms when they need them.
From oral contraceptives to long-acting reversible methods, there are many options available to young people who want to prevent unplanned pregnancies. There is no one contraception that is the right choice for every person though, and it is always best to direct young people to a GP to discuss what is best for them.
When speaking about contraception though, remind people that the best way to stay safe is to still use condoms, as they’re the only method that protects against STIs, not just unplanned pregnancies.
Regular STI testing is an essential part of sexual health. Normalise conversations around testing and explain that it’s a simple, routine process. If they’re ready to have sex, then they should also be ready to get tested regularly every three to twelve months, and when they experience symptoms, have condomless sex, or change sexual partners.
Sex is about more than the physical side of things—it’s also about emotional readiness, relationship dynamics, and individual values. By addressing all these elements, professionals can support young people in making informed, confident choices.
Young people often have questions before or after first-time intercourse or other sexual activity. The below provides some guidance on common questions from young people about having intercourse for the first time. But remember, it’s important to encourage them to consult a doctor for any medical concerns or tailored advice.
For some, first-time sex can be uncomfortable. It’s important that young people have consent and keep communicating about what they do and don’t like.
Focus on communication, consent, and comfort. Let young people know to take their time, always use protection like condoms and dams, and make sure they’re emotionally and physically ready. Also advise young people to talk openly with their partner about sexual boundaries and expectations.
Yes, first-time sex can cause pregnancy if contraception isn’t used. Safe sex and using condoms are the best ways to prevent pregnancy and protect against STIs.
